I have worked with enough people to know that those of us who like to improve ourselves each day HATE messing up, skipping, forgetting, or making mistakes. We often feel like we have to be perfect to be successful. If we don’t live up to our expectations, we feel like we are failures and give up because we’ve fallen short. Anything short of perfection is not good enough.
Fellow perfectionists (yes, I’m a recovering perfectionist) perfection is a myth. It’s a lie.
No one is perfect.
I’ve spent years of my life trying to make myself worthy of love by being the most perfect version of a human possible. The closer I became, the further I drifted away from my real authentic self. I found myself anxious, depressed, and totally unfulfilled.
Authenticity is now my goal in life. It’s what I aim for. I want to be authentic myself and for those I love. I want my children to see an example of what self love and acceptance looks like. For me, being authentic is the only way to be.
Brenè Brown says it so well. Here is one of my favorite quotes by her…
Here is a personal example.
We are in the process of selling our home. This means that there has had to be a lot of de-junking, painting, cleaning, repairing, and basically making our home look like it’s our version of a model home. This process has triggered my perfectionist brain.
It’s been a lot of brain work for me to realize that my home will not ever be on a magazine cover and that will be okay. Our furniture is worn and used. Our bedding doesn’t match. I don’t have lots of trendy artwork on the walls.
Each room was cleaned and de-cluttered. I tried my best to make them look as nice as possible. But one day as I was running through my house getting ready for a showing, I looked back into my master bedroom and noticed the details of my room. My brain picked through all the flaws. I saw the imperfections. And I felt shame. How could I allow someone to come through my home and see it like this? What will they think of me? What will they think of my home?
I felt naked and exposed. The shame hurt.
I admit I had some tears and I sorted through my thoughts and tried to separate reality from lies. I had made tremendous effort. Every room was nearly spotless, de-cluttered, clean, shiny, vacuumed, dusted, and organized. But they weren’t put together by Joanna Gaines or Martha Stewart.
What did that say about me? What was I going to allow that to say about me?
I decided to not let it say anything about me. My authentic imperfect self had made my best effort. And it was enough.
I decided to allow people into my space. They could come into my bathrooms, closets, pantry, storage closets, and overstuffed garage. I would welcome them into my imperfect but authentic life. And whatever they thought was not in my control and not my responsibility.
I don’t have to be perfect for anyone. I don’t even have to be perfect for myself.
I just have to show up.
My best effort is enough. And on the hard days, I allow any effort to be enough.
That’s the way to happiness, peace and progress my friends!
Be gentle and kind. In your imperfections you are worthy of love. In fact, because of your imperfections, you are worthy of love.
Be gentle to yourself because you are enough!
If you’d like some coaching as you work through your own life challenges, email me and lets schedule a free session! I’m here for you!