With 7 kids, each one is different and has different challenges and abilities.
This is no exception with my youngest boys.
Seriously, after parenting 5 kids, you would think I would have it down with my youngest!
I’ve found that I am wrong.
At Parent Teacher conferences last night, I found out that my youngest is going to have his own unique set of challenges. I knew he was struggling a little. I had no idea how much.
I couldn’t help but come home feeling discouraged and like a failure.
Mom guilt is the worst!
- “Did I not do enough?”
- “Do I not control his activities enough?”
- “Maybe our screen time is not restricted enough?”
My brain automatically wants to go to a place of blame and fault.
- “If only…”
- “Maybe if I…”
- “What if I had ….”
This kind of self talk in my head is poisonous and dangerous. It doesn’t change the facts. I have a son with his own unique set of difficulties. Allowing this mom guilt and blame and fault to float around in my head only reduces my ability to see clearly.
If I face these new struggles with a broken down mind and from a place of fear and scarcity, I will not be able to think clearly and know what I CAN do.
Positive mom talk.
- “I am a good loving mom.”
- “My son was given to me because I was his best fit.”
- “I have the ability to learn what I need to learn to help him.”
The answers to the negative talk in my brain isn’t really relative. It doesn’t change a darn thing!
Am I a perfect mom? NO
Am I enough? YES
I have another child who I’ve been told will just struggle in school. The traditional ways of teaching and learning – where information is shared and students regurgitate that information – will not work for his brain the way it works for other kids brains. But the district psychologist, who did an IQ test last year, said that when he gets into the workforce, he will be amazing. His brain thinks of abstract answers to problems. He is creative and thinks outside of the box. His solutions to challenges are different than the norm. He has the power to make changes! But not to easily memorize multiplication tables.
My youngest son is going to have to learn to train his mind to focus, think clearly, concentrate, and use his resources. He will have to find his own strengths and use those strengths to his advantage. Although his challenges are different than any of my other kids challenges, I can be there to help him learn and gain confidence in himself.
I can love him unconditionally. That’s the most important thing anyway, right?
When a negative or guilty thought pops in, I can replace it with
- “I just haven’t figured this out yet.”
- “I can find solutions.”
- “I am a good enough mom for this kid. In fact, I am the BEST mom for these kids.”
It’s easy to take blame and beat ourselves up for the challenges of our kids. It’s what our brains do naturally.
It can be harder to ignore those negative voices. But I can do it. You can do it too!
So if you have a child with unique challenges you’ll hear all about when you make the Parent Teacher Conference rounds, remember…
- “You are good enough.”
- “You are strong enough.”
- “You can figure these out.”
- “You already do the best thing you can do and that your child needs. You can LOVE them.”
LOVE is always the answer! For your child and especially for YOU!